kitchenaid

Wandering into my darkened kitchen last night, I headed straight for the fridge to sneak a midnight snack before bed. I passed the counter, sink, stove, and went to open the door to the icebox when my eye snagged on an unusual shadow lurking in the bowl of my pink Kitchen Aid mixer. My head jerked back to the counter where the jewel in my confectionary dower rests in all its glory, and peered into the deep silver bowl... This is what I saw.



It's enough to make a girl jump straight out of her nightgown! Or at least lose her cereal all over the kitchen floor. (And no, that's not a euphemism...)



I have no idea what in heaven's name it was, but he had these terrifying long red antennae and big red beady eyes festooned on his lanky, electric green body. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate some long legs, but six of them is where I draw the line.

After shrieking (and snapping a few pap pics... Natch.) I shuttled the whole thing to my bathroom window and attempted to heave his tiny green body into the open air. At first he was having nothing of it, but after I almost sent the entire bowl crashing into my neighbor's window he disappeared. Satisfied, I returned to the kitchen for my snack and went to bed.

The next morning I looked up from brushing my teeth to see my long-legged friend perched on the wall above my bathroom mirror. So I killed him with a sanitary napkin.

Don't hate. Obviously he had boundary issues.

But here are some pictures of other things that have come out of my pink Kitchen Aid recently that will hopefully erase the mental image of a spindly green bug being smashed to smithereens beneath an Always Overnight.


Cupcakes au natural.


Caramel and chocolate chip


Care for a cookie?

My Apartment is Cooler than Your Apartment

I live in this cute little art deco style apartment building which contains 15 little studio apartments.  I have a full kitchen, dining room (complete with little chandelier), a Murphy bed in my living room, and my closet isn't a closet but a dressing room complete with built-in vanity.  My stove looks like something out of Leave it to Beaver, and the black and white subway tile in the bathroom is too charming for words.  All my doorknobs are these little frilly acrylic things, and the vanity mirror has the cutest floral embossing at the top.  Next to the mirror there's this little button embedded in the wall, and I've never been able to figure out what it was, but had sort of given up assuming it used to be an old-school electrical outlet for a vintage hair dryer or something.

Well, I ran into my neighbor at the gym yesterday and we were talking about our building when she said, "Well you know what it used to be, right?"  Aghast and curiosity piqued I replied, "No!"

"It used to be dormitory style housing for young starlets being groomed by the big studios!  ...Yeah!  And you know that little button that's on your vanity?  It was a buzzer they would ring when they were ready to have their hair done."

I mean...  I'm never moving.

Rock and Roll

I'm just going to tell you right now... This is going to get embarrassing.

Last weekend I went to see Get Smart. For one because the ads actually looked hilarious, and two because it was so hot outside it felt like walking around in a hair dryer. But I'm not here to talk about that. What I am here to do is make a confession.

I have a big, fat, cause-me-to-stumble crush on Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

So there.



To be honest, Get Smart is the first movie he's been in that I've actually watched the whole way through. You see, when he first came off of the pro-wrestling circuit (have no fear, this entry will not include a confession regarding a secret WWF preoccupation-- just so we're clear), he had the Scorpion King and the Mummy Returns... Blah blah blah. What prissy teenage girl wants to go see those greasy testosterone fests? Not this one, I tell you.

Then came movies like Be Cool and The Rundown which, while perhaps more up my alley, I still never happened to see. Then one day I came home and flipped on the Tivo in expectation of watching the Barefoot Contessa marathon I had taped the previous night. However, as Tivo is wont to do, the channel had failed to change correctly when recording started and as I settled in on the sofa with my apple slices and cheese, I found myself facing the last 2/3 of Walking Tall.

Perturbed with my brother who had left the TV on another channel before the recording started, and annoyed with Tivo for creating a product that played with my affections so carelessly, I began to watch a few minutes of the movie just out of spite.

Thirty minutes later I realized I had no idea what was going on and hadn't been following the plot at all, I had just been staring at Dwayne Johnson.

Alarmed, I flipped off the TV and sat stunned, eyes wide as I slowly picked bits of apple peel out of my teeth and wondering if I was really just that taken with a former pro-wrestler. I mean, he's just this big and bulky and tan... OH MY GHAW- I TOTALLY HAVE THE HOTS FOR THE ROCK!



I tried to reason with myself... He does that weird eyebrow thing, remember? And he used to wear spandex in public! And remember that god-awful catchphrase of his, "Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?" Really, Jessica?! His name is DWAYNE! I mean, he's got that big, outrageous tattoo... Actually it's really gorgeous... AAAHH!!! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?! I TOTALLY HAVE THE HOTS FOR THE ROCK!

I can't explain it. I can't tell you why I, miss "Food Network and Turner Classic Movies" and "Maybe MAYBE once a year SEES a man she thinks she COULD be attracted to", gets so twitterpated over a big lug who used to wrestle on TV. All I can tell you is that he seems to strike that perfect balance between raw masculinity and refined gentility. He could build me a fence, beat up my bad guys, and HANDLE me, but I could take him to a suit and tie dinner party and he would carry himself beautifully.



Plus he just seems nice. :)

Now for the love of cake, please no one tell my grandma!

5

Auntie tagged me! So settle in with your favorite snack for a little light afternoon reading... Here goes!

Five things in my purse:

1. Bobbi Brown Lip Tint in Punch

2. A pink and green grosgrain ribbon from a present my Alabama mommy gave me

3. Tanning bed goggles (I haven't been to a tanning bed in two years-- honest!-- but for some reason these are still knocking around in my handbag)

4. My pale blue and gold crocodile Abas wallet

5. A seashell from my last weekend at the beach

Five favorite things in my room:

Romance.

Nightstand. (Journal, Bible, diamond ring, steel airplane...)

Love notes pinned to the wall above my bed sing over me as I sleep.

"His banner over me is love..."

Five things I've always wanted to do:

1. Be recognized as, "Hey, that's that actress..."

2. Eat a fried Oreo.

3. Slow dance with the man I love.

4. Lay on the floor of the Sistine Chapel.

5. Sing harmony with Coldplay.

Five things I'm currently into:

1. Wearing my crazy sixties work hair in public. I won't lie, I've been a little tempted to start teasing my hair on my days off...

2. Ditto with the control top pantyhose-- can I wear those to the beach?

3. The vegan caesar wrap at Real Food Daily.

4. Evening the tan on my shoulders.

5. Vive la Vida. Just... Just get it.

Five impressions of Auntie:

Glamorous. Sly and impossibly cool. Big, warm heart that you don't expect. Made me feel like I actually belonged in this family during those wonderful teenage identity crisis years... Just... cool!

Next is Six Quirks. Here are mine:



1. There are only two foods that I absolutely CANNOT eat: figs and ginger flavored anything.

2. I've never owned a hoodie sweatshirt in my life... And I don't intend on changing that.

3. I have the type of handwriting I think should be used for writing love notes.

4. My mom used to call me all kinds of little nicknames... Jessica Rose, sweet girl, kitty cat... I miss that.

5. My red velvet cake is the best I've ever eaten. I'm not ashamed to say it.

6. I've had the same best friend since I was two. And she seriously still rocks my world with how wonderful she is-- I am OUTRAGEOUSLY blessed!

Pressing On

What is it about feeling tired, getting run down, that makes your defenses and self-control come crumbling down as well?  All this time I've been slowly getting tired, slowly getting more and more stretched, and as I faithfully put one foot in front of the other, each step a little softer than the last, I find my heartstrings being pulled by old, shut-out fingers.  Tinges of longing hum ever quietly, stirred by glimpses of formerly closed doors as I walk along.  

I know they're shut.  I know what lies behind them isn't what I want, really.  It wouldn't be good, it wouldn't be right, it wouldn't be best-- I've been over this...  But my slow, easy tired takeover leaves me longing for a rest in SOME room...  Even if it's not the one I want.

But He's so good to me.  And so I take a deep breath and press on, planting my feet with all the firmness I can muster, doing my best to lock my gaze on the road ahead.  He'll give me my rest when I need it, and these doors, these rooms, these sealed lands and journeys are closed for a reason.

Please help me press on.

Recently

Work has slowed...  But life has picked up!  I am a blessed, blessed girl to be as tired as I am from all the social events that have been happening recently.  My heart is so full it's weary!

It's been birthdays galore in recent weeks, with one at the beach...

One on the pier...

And one on the patio (planned by yours truly) under the lights hung by God and man...

Birthday girl and I

Does anyone know what I'm doing here?  I mean really.

You didn't think I could plan a party without doing the dessert, did you?  (For the record, it was a strawberry rhubarb crumble)

emoss tried to get a ride to the dessert table...  He wasn't havin' it.

I have incredible (blonde) friends.

It's been good.