Tonight

Tonight my show is on.  It premiered last week, but for the last seven days I've been hearing from all kinds of people about how I'm all over the ad for tonight's episode, and yesterday I finally saw it.  It's beautiful.  The shot I'm in is composed of the lead actress, and me poised over giant text that says "16 EMMY" (nominations).  I screamed when I saw it (and when I asked my friend to record it for me...  And the six times I've watched it since then).  I'm so excited.  So, so, so, so, so, so, SO excited.

When I first got this job everybody said, "Mad what?"  "Man huh?"  "Is that the one about the medical interns?"  But now everybody in this town knows exactly what I'm talking about and I feel like I could bust a gut.  My heart sings and screams like a 13 year old girl every time I see a billboard or a magazine cover, or hear someone talking about "The best show on television". I'm so proud to be a part of something so beautiful, so interesting, so good...

Tonight as I was turning the key to my apartment door, the thought flashed through my head, "I should call Mom and make sure she's watching it."  *sigh*  That seems to never go away.  This inherent loneliness that somehow somebody's missing it.  But then I hear her laugh tinkle through my heart, and she says, "Sweet girl, I've got it on REPEAT!  You think I'd miss this?!"  I love it when she cackles like that.  And suddenly I feel whole again.

Tonight my face will be all over the hottest, most important show on television.  No one will hear me speak, and almost nobody's going to know my name, but there I'll be.  And whenever anyone looks back on this season, this episode of this beautiful, incredible show, they'll see me.

It's better than anything else I could've ever dreamed.