New Friends

I've made some new friends lately. And they're incredible. Seriously, legitimately awesome. They welcomed me instantly and wholeheartedly... And they're freaking COOL! None of this weird/ tentative/ "I'm going to be nice to you and we'll talk awkwardly in public settings, and then wave from across the room the next time I see you" crap. We were basically family from day one. And I like it.

This is Daniela.

She's got a gorgeous smile and I told her the minute we met.  Which, incidentally, was on a Sunday.  By a stroke of fate, I ended up at her small group on Tuesday, and by Saturday night I was singing "Happy Birthday" at her party as she blew out her candles.  She's just that awesome.  (Oh, and did I mention she's married?!  I LOVE married people!)

Speaking of birthdays and awesome, Daniela shares a b-day with her best friend Tiffany whom I have come to love and adore. 

She's smart, beautiful, and wise with this incredibly big heart that cares deeply without a hint of mush.  In other words, a badass.

Tiffany and Daniela on their birthday trip to Disneyland.

I don't know when or where this is, but they look hot.

(Sidenote: most of these pictures are from Tiffany's rad blog. Yup. Rad. I don't even say that word.)

Next, I'd like to introduce Zoë.  She's incredible and incandescent, fun, HILARIOUS and has a big beautiful heart.  Oh, and she's six feet tall, British/ South African, gorgeous, and used to model.  No big deal.

We go on hikes and get banana pancakes and generally can't stop yammering each others' ears off.  I really, really love her.

Yup, all three amazing, Jesus-loving hotties were at the Bible study I stopped in on with a friend just a few Tuesdays ago.  

It's led by Evan:

Whom I've actually known for a little bit, and who is also, for the record, actually as tall as this picture makes him out to be: 6'7, or as he is fond of saying, 5'19.  He does a seriously awesome job.

I wish I had more pictures of the rest of the crew: Josie and Peter, Melissa and Sean...  Some incredible people are in this Bible study, and I'm so glad I know them.

Blog roundup!

Daniela: All I'm Sayin' Is...

Zoë: Confessions of a Wanderholic

And Tiffany: DailyJunkLA

... ie: my latest obsession, ie: I really love it, ie: I check it multiple times every day and have created a bookmark on my homepage because I love seeing what sassy little tidbits she posts throughout the day.  It's fine.

Ten

If you had logged onto Facebook a few weeks ago, you wouldn't have been able to escape the news of everybody and their Aunt Berta (literally) posting a list of "25 Random Things About Me" (er, Them). I was tagged repeatedly but never acquiesced.  Until now. 

But instead of bombarding you with 25 I've narrowed it down to a classy, even 10.

Because that's how I roll.

1. I love seeing men walking with flowers in hand. It makes me feel like there's still romance in the world.

2. Whole Foods is my Starbucks. I realized one night while trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep that I'm probably in here 5 out of 7 days a week. (And by "here" I really do mean here... I'm sitting in a Whole Foods cafe as I type this)

3. Sometimes I think about how much I love my best friend, and how thankful I am for her and our amazing friendship, and my heart gets so full it feels like it could literally burst. After my last trip to visit her, I was left with this feeling like my whole body had been filled with warm milk-- all full and peaceful and satisfied.

4. When I was young and homeschooled we only had one car that my dad would take to work every day. My mom would occasionally get so stir-crazy that she would take us on walks to the 7-11 at the corner just to get out of the house. We were each allowed to get a treat. Lisa (my best friend at the time who was homeschooled with me) and James always got Slurpees, but I shunned them for a little package of Reese's peanut butter cups. We'd squat on the curb outside eating our goodies, James and Lisa sipping away and me letting the sun melt the chocolate on the Reese's cups until they were soft and barely oozing, before devouring in small, careful bites. Then we'd walk home and steal daffodils from people's yards along the way.

5. I would like to marry someone who has big hands.

6. If I could, every day I would eat a thick slab of homemade whole grain bread, toasted, and slathered with a warm, oozing layer of Jif Extra Chunky peanut butter. Trans fats be damned.

7. There is something so EPIC to me about Jay-Z's music. The Black Album? Please. I could listen to that for the rest of my life and continuously be floored by the nuanced cries for help I hear.

8. A pickup line that still tickles me: "Are those your real eyes?" No, the right one's glass, sir. ...Yes, they're my "real" eyes. What does that even mean?

9. After my mom died it took a long time for me to be able to read books or watch movies. I just didn't have the focus or attention span to stay with one continuous plot or train of thought for more than 45 minutes. Truth be told I'm still building up my endurance, but as it stands I've got a solid 2-year block of entertainment and media that I pretty much missed out on.

10. I think my favorite feeling in the world is laying on the beach while the sun is setting, body pressed into the warm sand as a breeze picks up and it feels like a long silk sheet being drawn across your skin. I can't think of anything better.

Water in the Basement

It's a rainy day here in LA, and I'm cooped up inside listening to music with my phone turned off. I just cancelled my cable and don't know whether I regret it. My hair is getting really long.

Just yesterday it hit me how hard the last several years have been. First Mom got sick, then was gone, and after that the only church I had ever known shattered and home base was obliterated. I graduated from college and spent long, lonely days alone in my apartment, searching for my life's purpose or something, anything, to set my hands to.

Talk about a one, two (three) punch.

It's been harder than I realized. I miss my mom now in a deep, low way that I spend most days trying to ignore or stuff away... But it never really works. There are long stretches of numb, almost-happiness mingled with real, genuine good times that are so good I want to grab life like a bottle with both fists, turning it upside down and drink drink drink until it's dripping dry. But then it crashes down and I find myself crying in church, gaze locked on a woman who has hands like my mom's.

I'm tired of saying it's hard. I'm tired of fighting the same old battles with the same old rusty armor. My sword has lost its shine in my weary hand on my weary arm, the onslaught is subsiding but never ceasing. I just want it to go away. I want to be the bright and shiny, happy girl that people want to see. Oh to be lighthearted! I've gotten pretty good at smiling again, inviting people in to see my sparkling new floors and pretty drywall, but this house still has water in the basement.

The thing the Lord spoke to me about this time is that it's my "under pressure" season-- like I'm in a slow-cooker, steeping not stagnant. I am still because deep work is going on in my heart, and the reward is a richness, a depth, a spectrum, encyclopaedia, and library of heart-knowledge that couldn't be acquired any other way. And I'm okay with that. Lord, please let me be okay with that.

I just want to know Him.