Friday, September 25, 2009

These are the days

These are the days. These are the days that rattle in my chest against the clanging of my tinny heartbeat. Soft thuds beating mercilessly against the cage of rib bone.

This is when every breath hurts. Every sigh feels full of the dust of broken glass. This is when every moment, every movement, feels false and numb. Dumb and lifeless. I want to run away, busy myself into a frantic tizzy to match the torrents swirling inside, but my body, my legs, my back, are made of hard cement and I can’t seem to go anywhere.

So please, let’s walk and get frozen yogurt. Let’s go to the beach and lay against the silky sand, bodies stretched beneath the fading sun. Let’s curl up on the sofa, you and I, and fall asleep heads and arms and hands tangled and intertwined. Let’s let the love soak in until I’m drunk and it’s dry.

These are the days when I can’t believe that I can’t believe she’s gone. And it’s the moments when I wish I didn’t still miss her, that I miss her most of all.

8 comments:

Lisa said...

Wow, tears in my eyes. You are a beautiful writer! And a beautiful person!

Annabelle said...

Oh :-( so touching, but beautifully written... hope you're okay.

Alison said...

I wish I could give you a hug today, Jess. An eye-to-eye, tall person squeeze and you could even lay your head on my shoulder...cause it's right there. I heart you.

Anton P. S. said...

I know those words came through quite a lot of pain, but you wrote it beautifully.

From Wallyce: said...

praying for you as you remember her and celebrate midst the sorrow. Much love from Slovakia, W.

Aunt YoYo said...

Your mother is no farther away than your heart. I miss her a lot too, but I'm comforted when I see so much of her in you and James. I know she's very proud of you. It will take time, but IT WILL GET BETTER! (sorry for the worn out cliche, but its true)

proseandconverse said...

How do you do that? Your pain is so palpable, but so beautifully transcribed. It's a gift you have, one that I'm sure she helped to cultivate in you. I just want you to know that it's truly inspirational, how you can spin words into a glorious monument. I have so much respect for you and how you can glorify your feelings so hynotically.

vickys said...

I hope the day gets better. It's a funny thing, emotions, like a rollercoaster that neverever ends. But it's good to know that these are just days that end and new ones begin again.