Monday, August 27, 2007

Big Bang

Today started with a bang. Or rather, kind of a high pitched, piercing "HWAAAAAAAAIIIIIIII" sound.

It seems every Sunday night I tuck myself into bed, nestle myself beneath the soft down of my plush comforter and turn onto my left side in the semi fetal position... Only to be woken within hours (always too few) with a shrill and guttural noise coming from the window right beside my head. The building directly adjacent to mine has their gardening service come on Monday mornings, which involves a lone man in a full-body gardening suit (or so I think-- I've never actually seen him) hosing the daylights out of some giant leaf pile (What leaves?! It's August!) or razoring back some mammoth wall of brush that seems to have grown in the past six days (what could have grown in six days?!). Whatever large, manly tool he is using, it is always loud, always jarring, and I always seem to forget this fact on Sunday night.

I think my neighbors should hire this guy. He seem so quiet! Not
a big, mean, sleep-banishing tool in sight.

I mean, if somehow I could anticipate his arrival (how do I even know "he" is a he? This garden ninja on a weekly rampage could be the little Vietnamese lady who owns the nail shop across the street, picking up a few extra bucks before the shop opens) I could have earplugs positioned so I don't wake up at the dawn of every new week going, "OH for the LOVE OF..."

Anyway. What I'm saying is, this morning started out like every other Monday morning I've had in LA: loud and sort of angry. But it didn't last for long. As much as I would have preferred to be woken by a soft glow of sunlight reflecting off the building next to mine or wildflowers tickling my cheeks, I realized that I had gotten an adequate night's sleep and threw off the covers before shuffling into the girl's room. That's where the second bang happened.

I won't go into details, but let's just say it quickly became clear that something was awry in my bathroom. A loud shuddering started coming from the wall holding all the plumbing, (imagine trying to process that while you're... well... doing the first thing you do in the morning) followed by a loud THUMP. Oh geez. This was not going to be good. As I proceeded with my morning regime, I turned the faucet-- nothing. Dry as a bone. Reached to flush the toilet. Silent. Rushed to the other side of my apartment and turned the kitchen faucet, only to be met by the same deafening silence. (Of all the times I wanted noise...)

My water was out. As I found out later by creeping out into the hallway, eye boogers still firmly in place, cowlick standing proud, to ask the guys next door what the fuss was about, two toilets in the building were getting ripped out and the water was off. How sweet of them to tell me. ("When will it be back on?" "Um. If you hear your toilet running, tell us.") Perfect.

After spending several hours in my apartment, a prisoner to my own morning breath, I realized it might be possible to wash my face and brush my teeth with the half-full bottle of SmartWater I had in the kitchen...

I could SO survive in the wilderness. (Or at least a fully furnished apartment with no water.)

But then I had a startling realization. Bathroom facilities were soon going to be urgently required-- it seems the tall glass of water I had with breakfast was making itself known... And the thought of using my commode with no running water sent chills down my spine. But hey, I need to go get some fruit, fish, and flax seed oil! (I swear that was my grocery list) And WholeFoods has a bathroom! (What's that I hear? Illusions of my class and gentility shattering?) It's economical-- WholeFoods has always been able to meet the majority of my shopping needs, and now they would be able to meet one more. (They're always so sweet like that...) So after the requisite grooming with the cleanest water to ever touch my face, I went to WholeFoods for groceries... And the bathroom.

So now I sit, reclining on my chenille love seat, belly full with peaches I bought this afternoon, water coursing through the pipes in my walls, and knowing that I won't be rudely awakened again until Friday. (Trash pickup. Even worse.) And that was my day today. Big bangs, hydration hangups, and multi-purpose market trips. If only WholeFoods had a shower...

"Hey, do you guys have a locker room back there?"

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