Friday, March 7, 2008

Worth It

"It's gonna' be worth it... It's gonna be worth it all."
-Misty Edwards

Something has come together.

My eyes have been opened, and I see His goodness, His gentleness and His joy. I see His rich love for me and feel the overwhelming weight of His glory-- and I am nearly sick with awareness of my own rebellious, prideful, adulterous heart. A bumper sticker I saw a few weeks ago read, "Life is beautiful." I laughed out loud in my car. I wanted it to be true, we all want it to be true... But it's not. Life isn't beautiful, life is pain.

But He is beautiful.

And He is worth it.

This incomprehensible, impossible, overwhelming treasure that has been stored up inside of me is worth all the pain my soul has known. And the promise of knowing Him more and getting to explore and discover more of my Lord's heart... It is worth it.

All the nights I cried myself to sleep, soul so deep and black it felt like pain was swallowing me from the inside out... All the days I walked around feeling like shattered glass-- one wrong move and everything would fall apart... Every morning I wake up and have to mourn her all over again because I get so used to her being alive in my dreams, and each tear that will stream down my cheeks on my wedding day when she's not there to kiss me and tell me how beautiful I am and sit next to my daddy as I am united in love... The moment my heart breaks as I grasp the air, reaching for her hand when I become a mother myself... All my pain and all my scars and all the wounds to come...

I am here to tell you that it is worth it.

This treasure is worth it.

He is worth it. He's worth it all.

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